I’ve made it to 41. On average, more than half of my life is over. The government gives me another 38 years, four less than if I was a female.
After my tingles, I spent a little more time imagining the rest of my life.
You assume that if you’ve reached 41, you will grow old and become complacent. About three years ago, when I retired, I was so excited to be out of the workforce and do whatever I wanted that I didn’t realize I would still need to prioritize what I wanted.
The pandemic blurred many of the first two years as everyone scrambled through the chaos. We also moved our family and had a lot of projects that needed to be done. I homeschooled my oldest and traveled to the NFL stadiums. But 2023 caused an awakening of what the rest of my life would look like.
My children can now take care of themselves and be home alone. They are good at heart, and while I plan to keep guiding them in their lives, I understand my close involvement in their daily activities is less necessary. My wife has a career she finds rewarding and enjoys training our Newfoundland and using him as a therapy dog. I now meander from hobby to hobby, wondering what’s next.
I have won the lottery. I can do whatever I want, but I still do not have a purpose.
I like to inspire others and give them hope and joy, but I have social anxiety.
I don’t find myself depressed in the general sense of the word. I am just… fully aware.
I don’t know how to not sound like an arrogant asshole here, but I think there are different levels of consciousness in the world.
The less you worry about your necessities, the more you can worry about existentialism (in my experience).
When you are concerned about food, water, or shelter, you probably don’t spend too much time thinking about the meaning of life. I have all my necessities and reached all the goals that most Americans set for themselves when they’re young, but I still have, hopefully, forty more years of life.
I am fully existential.
What is the purpose of life? I look at animals for guidance, and their goal seems solely around the survival of themselves and their future generations. However, every species wants to have its seed spread across the globe.
Is the purpose of life to live as long as you can?
It is like an open-world game you never want to turn off. I don’t live in constant physical or mental pain. I live in the dread of min-max decisions. I am trying to figure out the best way to live instead of just living.
Enjoy the time you have!
