I know how dangerous it is to add streaks to my current list.
When too much is on my plate, I become consumed and overwhelmed.
When thinking about what I might want to do for 2023, I realized that the same ideas I had at the end of 2021, I had at the end of 2022.
Dance for real.
Do Twitch on the treadmill.
I finally realized the correlation between all these items.
I’m afraid of being judged. I’m scared of failing. I’m terrified of success.
I love to entertain people, but I’m afraid of being defined by something. I like being “weird” or “different.” I don’t like being put in a box. I fear that if I succeed at something, that will become my label. What if a bunch of people like what I’m doing and decide I don’t want to do it anymore? I treat everything like a marriage, and I have committed to doing these things for the rest of my life.
My running streak has already turned into that. I get anxious about seeing someone and them bringing up my running, and I have to tell them that I broke my streak. Like it is going to ruin their existence.
I know I have inspired other people, but I don’t want to be held on a pedestal. And that’s something that I’m putting in my own head. I don’t have some cult-following. I build up walls to wide-open plains.
It’s time to be more open to being weird again.