Unrealities

Why Am I So Damp?

Showers make me wet.

A towel is no defense for the amount of dampness I experience.

Ok, Tommy Lee Jones might not care, but I do. I hate spending time scrubbing myself after my shower with a towel that feels like a lamb who died for my sins.

Then, one night after watching a video on how to clean my windows, my eyes became wide.

I realized how to expedite the drying process… my hands…

I needed to squeegee myself!

Now when I’m done showering, I cup my hands together and run them tightly down the sides of my legs. Next, I do a one-handed version on my arms and then chest.

My squeegeeing and the episode of Seinfeld where Kramer takes notes on showering have really pushed my desire to study the most efficient way to shower.

The Pitch

I want a MythBusters type series on how to best shower. How do you use the least amount of water and get in and out as clean as possible?

Not only would I want to get suggestions from my millions of readers on how to shower efficiently. I want to have new shower tools created. Where are the gloves that turn your hands into squeegees? Where are the shower heads that switch into air dryers after the water turns off?

I don’t want to be damp anymore!

Why Stop With Showering?

There the more streaks I have, the more efficient I want to be with my tasks. For example, what’s the fastest way to shave or brush your teeth? Should I really be doing only 20 minutes of High-Intensity Training instead of my 75 minutes of running?

Let’s get efficient!

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